Memories: Few and Far Between with ADD

I realize that "experts" have said that to have ADD/ADHD you would show signs at a pretty young age. Well, what happens when you don't remember anything from, say age 7?

I have very few recollections before I was 12. My parents divorced when I was 6 and had a pretty rocky relationship the entire time. I guess it doesn't help when your dad is cheating on your mom.

I know they took me to counselors. I must've had issues! Ya think? I vaguely remember seeing one counselor and drifting off to la-la land. I remember seeing that same look/feeling come over my then 10-11yr old daughter when I took her to a counselor because she had a crappy attitude. Very little response to any direct questions and a pretty much zoned out look. Boy did that look seem familiar!

Do you know what it's like not to have memories and then the ones you do have aren't the greatest in the world? I remember being desperate for my parents to reconcile. I remember meeting my dad's girlfriend and her son (my soon-t0-be steps). I remember my mom being pregnant and having to go to the hospital. I think I remember standing outside the courtroom when my parents were getting their divorce.

I wonder if other people with Attention Deficit Disorder suffer from lack of memories. If so, when do they have "real" concrete memories? Personally, I'd love to have tons of memories from my childhood. Something to look back on and reflect. I have little to nothing. I wonder if my kids will be the same. At least my 15 yr old who has ADD, I wonder if she'll remember much of her childhood.

I already know she has a hard time remembering things. She's had some stability throughout her life. Much more than I ever had. So, she's got some things on her side I didn't.

What about you? What kind of memories do you have? How old are you with your most vivid at a young age? Is my memory loss exclusive to me?

~Mimi

The medicated life

When I first really had a clear understanding that I had Attention Deficit Disorder-Inattentive, I knew that it was usually treated with medication. Not an option I considered a good one. The thought of being addicted to something didn't sit well with me.

You here all the time about people being on long term meds and never being able to get off them. I didn't want to spend my adult years addicted to any kind of medication. Heck, I rarely took Tylenol or anything else. Not for any "reason" I just never needed it.

So, I made an appt with my Dr. to find out what she suggested. I was given a prescription of Adderall. My doc explained that I didn't need to take the entire pill and could break it in half. I decided I'd start with half a pill. Can't remember if it was 5mg or 10mg. I used only 1/2 a tablet for a couple of years. When I started working more hours or knew I was going to have a long night, I'd take the entire thing.

The first several times I took my 1/2 tab, I hated how I felt. I honestly felt like I was going 100 miles an hour! In a way, it felt like I was high. I decided that I'd take it for the rest of the week and if it didn't start to level out, I was going to stop taking it. Thankfully it only lasted those several days.

I'm getting to the point where 1/2 a tab isn't going to do much for me. That I don't like. I have a strong aversion to increasing my dosage. Back to the whole "dependency" thing. I have an appt this week to talk to my dr about starting the XR version.

I hate that by 4pm, I'm wiped out, crabby and have very little patience. I'm hoping that the XR will make me more of a pleasant person when my kids and I all make it home at the same time. I don't care for change and if this doesn't make a difference, then I'll go back to what I know.

What are your experiences with ADD meds? Have you had any negative reactions to taking it? How long have you been taking it? Do you ever not take it?

I don't take my meds when I have a day off. I know that my home would appreciate me taking it so that something would get done around here. Weekends I typically stay off of it. So, I'm definitely not an everyday users. I prefer that. It reminds me of 2 things:

1. I'm not addicted and I can not take it if I don't feel like it
2. That on the days I do take it, I notice the difference and know that it works for me

~Mimi

Why blog about Attention Deficit Disorder

I've been considering this idea for some time now. In fact, I came upstairs to create my blog last night and then the computer went nutty. If you are anything like me, when something pops into your head, it's usually at the wrong time.

I'll be on my way to work, going to sleep, on the phone, or who knows what else when I get inspired. Oh, my favorite place that I have nothing to write with but have brilliant ideas...the shower! In those other places I could at least write something down, if I thought of it at the time. In the shower I can only write on the fogged windows. So many great thoughts lost to steam.

I really don't know where I'm going to go with this blog. I think I'll just start talking about my everyday life of living with this disorder. Yes, my life, this isn't something that just showed up overnight or is "adult-onset". I know for a fact that I've wrestled with this insanity since I was around 12.

Of course, way back then this was only a blip on the medical radar. I don't remember anyone being treated for ADHD until my little brother started being treated for it. He was placed on Ritalin. Since I didn't live with him for his growing up years (I was already living on my own) I don't know what it was like for him growing up.

It wasn't until 4 yrs ago that I decided something had to change and was also in the process of having my 2nd child, my daughter, tested for ADD. Not surprising, she was in 7th grade when the ADD monster raised it's ugly head. When I saw what her symptoms were, I realized she was me all over again. I went to my doctor and she prescribed Adderall. I can't begin to tell you how different my life was.

In my next post I'll discuss my medication aversion, the decision to take medication, and what it was like to be on Adderall!