Not Doing What I Need to Do with ADD

So, there are days when I'm in my home for hours and do absolutely nothing that needs to be done! My house is always in disarray. And when I say, "always" I mean exactly that. Growing up the last thing I wanted to do was clean my room, or any room for that matter! Do you know when the dishes were done at my home when I was in high school? The moment I heard the garage door start to do open! That meant mom was home...and crap, the dishes weren't done!

My bed, if it was ever found, was under a pile of clothing. Some things never change. At least now I'm not sleeping ON my clothing. They just occupy the entire right side of my bed. I get my half, the laundy gets the other. Maybe I should say it gets 3/4.

The dishes, they typically sit until I'm out of spoons for breakfast. I can't stand dishes and laundry. I'm not much of a vacuumer either. Hmm, household chores just aren't my thing.

Now, put me in a barn to clean it out, I'll do it for hours. Brush the horses, clean out their hooves, any other barn chores...sign me up!! Taking care of anything outside, I'm all for it. I could weed for hours also. Tending to my plants, so relaxing and enjoyable. Encouraging my veggies to grow, I get such peace.

Come into the house, BIG GROAN!! Piles upon piles everywhere. How do people keep it together? I dread coming into the house. When I have massive amounts of laundry on my bed, all I want to do is be outside. Bottom line, I'm not motivated whatsoever to do a bloomin' thing inside the house.

I'm motivated when I get an urge to clean and what it would be like to keep it up. But then I walk into the room that I think I'll tackle and I totally deflate. Cleaning just isn't my "thing". I know, how can cleaning not be someone's "thing". We should all be neat and tidy, dontcha think?

I need a life coach. Someone who can come live with me for a month to help me get into a routine. I've heard it takes a month to start a routine and keep it. A coach to wake up with me and follow me around all day saying, "Do this, do that." "No, don't sit down and read for 3 hours." "Hey, get out of that computer chair." At my age, you think I'd have it figured out. Not even close. I have no fantastical ideas that I'll ever have a tidy home. Anyone have some advice on how not to keep piles everywhere? How about how a slob can no longer be a slob? I could use all the help I can get!

Attention Deficit Disorder Dangers

Do you ever forget that your curling iron is plugged in? Do you leave water boiling on the stove? Well, I definitely do those things. I think everyone does that on occasion. Unfortunately, I do that more than the average Joe. Unfortunately, my 15 yr old daughter is starting to do the same thing.

The other night I came upstairs to see her on the computer. I smelled something and realized it was a candle. She had left a candle burning, unattended in her bedroom! I went and blew it out and let her know that she left it burning. You know what her response was to me? "I've only been out here for 5 minutes."

How often do we do that? Make excuses? I only ran downstairs to switch the laundry, I was just grabbing something from the back seat, etc. We somehow believe that we're going to do something for only a moment, and get sidetracked for 10, 15, 20+ minutes. I left the house the other day with the curling iron plugged in "knowing" I'd be back in a few minutes.

I have to say I'm very concerned about our safety when it comes to Ber burning her candles. I'm glad she loves them and enjoys their ambiance. What worries me is her inattentiveness. What happens if she falls asleep with them burning. Yes, I say, "them," because she sometimes burns more than one at a time.

How do I find a safe balance of letting her enjoy the mood of her room and keeping our house from burning down? Unlike my curling iron that shuts off after 60 minutes, her candles will burn until they get to the bottom.

Maybe she should have to set a timer if she leaves her room with a candle burning. Even if she thinks she's "just" going to the bathroom. I suppose it's something I should do if I walk away from the stove if something's cooking. I should be an example to the child who is just like me!

Does anyone else try to balance their checkbook while they're driving? What do you walk away from or what do you do that could be a danger to yourself or others?

The Big Letdown with Adderall XR

Ok, so the honeymoon with Adderall XR is over. Took it, what, once last week? This week I took it twice and both times by 7-8pm I was crashing pretty hard. I wonder if how hard you crash is circumstantial.

The first day I took my meds, I believe we were home when the Adderall XR was wearing off. Nothing in particular was going on. Just living life.

The second day (Tues night) we were at a Cub Scout activity that started at 6:30pm and didn't end until 8:30pm! So, that's at least an hour after we should've eaten dinner and everyone there is crazy. By 8pm I was bored out of my gourd and getting tired. 8:30pm rolled around and it was time to go home.

Telling the boys to get their coats on, one heads to the bathroom and the other, well he just disappears. Can't find the coat of the one who heads to the bathroom & then about 5 min later, still can't find him. Finally find him back in the big room with his coat on!!! Thinking my older one has headed to the front doors, we head there. He's nowhere to be found! GRRRR I found him in a different room with a bunch of other boys playing tag. Guess who's seriously upset and I have to admit, a bit out of control. I yell at the boys to get in the car. How difficult can this be? It's late and I'm not thrilled having to go chase both of them around. About 5 min later I realize that I'm not being rational and that my meds are absolutely worn off. Bummed that I didn't recognize the situation before I yelled at the boys.

Along comes Thursday. I take my Adderall XR again. When the boys get home we get ready to head to my estranged husband's apartment to visit with Great Grandma (who's 94). We sit around while the boys and Gram put together a puzzle and then play numerous games of dominoes. Basically we're waiting for my 15 yr old to get done with work. I finally call her about 6:45pmm and she tells me she won't be done for at least an hour!! AN HOUR?! We haven't eaten dinner yet, my 9yr old has homework and both boys need a shower! UGH!!! On top of that, it means I have to come back into town. Geez! On the way home, I text my 17 yr old to ask her to put the lasagne back in the oven to warm up. She doesn't understand my text and we go back and forth until I call her as we're about to turn on our street.

Um, how long can lasagne stay out without going bad? She'd left it out for nearly an hour!!! Again...UGH! So, we get in the house, I put the boys on their homework, put the lasagne back in the stinkin' oven and am ranting the entire time! I realize my meds have worn off, but I tell you, it's not like this the nights I'm NOT on my meds. Is it just coincidence? I haven't figured it out yet. I know that I make a mountain out of a mole hill when I'm coming off my meds whether it's Adderall or Adderall XR.

So, my conclusion at this point is yes, the Adderall XR lasts longer, but the end of the day can have the same conclusion if I'm not home and relaxed! Bummer! I was hoping this med would be different! Not sure where to go from here. It certainly doesn't help the family dynamics when mom is being emotionally unreasonable. Sigh...

Attention Deficit Disorder & Gettin' Fidgity

Those of you with ADD, do you ever pay attention to those sitting around you? I have and I wonder how they do it! How do they sit still? Here's me:

• fold leg under me
• unfold leg
• fold other leg under me
• scratch face
• tuck hair behind ear
• unfold leg
• tap my foot
• look around
• notice others not moving
• straighten pants
• scratch head
• sit sideways
• scooch a bit
• pull both legs under me

I would say that all could happen in a 3 minute period!

I am flabbergasted at those people around me just sitting! Doing nothing. Not a single movement...in 3 minutes! How is that possible? Doesn't something itch, feel out of place, get uncomfortable?

Today at our Mom's In Touch meeting I kept glancing up while we were praying (no meds today). I wasn't too distracted, just enough to realize no one else was moving, but me. The ladies sat there for like 10 min, heads bowed, just being!!

Not me! I was fidgeting the entire time! I was driving myself crazy. I wonder if any of them notices how I can't just sit still. Of course, I'm not going to mention it to them because then they'll start paying attention. That I don't need.

My challenge to you is, pay attention to those around you. Are you the fidgety one? Do you think those around you notice? What kind of fidgeting do you do? Is it always the same? Let me know.

Took the plunge to Adderall XR

I took the plunge yesterday, Tuesday. I know, I said I was going to take it Monday because it seemed the best choice; no one around to watch me go nutty on new meds, at home where I felt "safe", etc. Yah, it didn't quite work out that way.

So, Tues I remember to grab the new meds and headed out the door to work. I figured if anything, I'd have a great rush at work and be happy all day long. I counted out 9 hours and decided to take my meds at 10am. I figured I wanted to get through my day and just into the evening hours before it started wearing off.

I took it a bit after 10. I know, how could I forget? Hello ADD! I waited for "it" to hit. The big, "here I am" feeling of taking Adderall. It didn't quite happen that way. I generally feel the meds kick in about 1/2 an hour after I take them. Not this time. I was watching the clock and around 1/2 an hour later I started paying attention to myself and how I was feeling.

I could tell I felt lighter in my brain; the fog had lifted. It wasn't an overwhelming sensation though. How exciting for me, and I do mean that! I wasn't losing it at work and that's always a good thing. People think I'm goofy anyhow, no need to add to what they already think. :)

I kind of checked on myself throughout the rest of the day and didn't ever really feel tired or like it was wearing off. I felt very even keeled through the day. Very interesting. Believe it or not, I didn't realize I didn't "come down" at all. On my regular meds, I knew that by 4:30 I'd be ready for the day to be OVER! I was exhausted, crabby, and on stimulus overload. It took me about an hour to come out of that funk when I took my meds. Yesterday, nothing!

It was such a thrill to realize when I was going to bed around 11:30pm that I hadn't had a "low" for the day. Totally worth taking this medication! If I can take Adderall XR and don't have a "high" or a "low", I've found my new medication! We'll see how it all progresses.

ADD-Inattentive & My Forgetfulness

Last night/this morning as I was trying to go to sleep I started making a list in my head of all the things that don't get done in my daily life or I forget to do. I don't know if I'll remember even 1/2 of them as the list seemed pretty endless. Here we go with my bulleted list of things I don't do:

• give messages to people

• dishes


• cat litter


• piles of laundry


• make important phone calls


• pay bills


• make bed


• vacuum


• dust


• play with kids


• play with the dog


• clean desk






• turn in school permission forms/payments: yr books, lunch $, fees






• trash


• recycling


• straighten son's bookshelf


• give things back to people that they've lent me even tho I'm done with it


• cash checks


• make dr/dentist appts
  
• remember son has bball on Wed after school


• return library books to avoid fines


• clean up after puppies were born IN AUGUST & left in OCTOBER!


• straighten up garage


• clean bathroom


• paint walls that have been fixed


• send "thank you notes" to people who've been kind or helped me in some way


• get in touch w/ grandma





• read my bible daily

• scrap booking


• go thru my piles & piles of papers


• having boys take showers/brush teeth


• making sure homework/reading gets done


• going thru boys backpacks

So, this is barely skimming the list of the things I forget on a daily basis. Every day of my life, many of those bullets above are being neglected! How God allowed me to be a parent is beyond me when I can barely take care of myself. I know, he knows what he's doing, but it still boggles my mind.

What things are on your list that you neglect on a daily basis? I'm not saying these are "bad" things, just part of our lives and living with this disorder. We're not alone in our day to day struggles.

~Mimi

My new Prescription for Attention Deficit Disorder ~ Inattentive

Yes, I'm putting "Attention Deficit Disorder" in my titles for now so that I might generate some traffic for those looking for info on the disorder.

So, I went to my dr. appt on Thurs and she didn't realize I wasn't already on the Adderall XR. Of course, when you only see someone a few times a year, I'm sure it's hard to keep track. She gave me my new prescription.

I dropped it off at the pharmacy & picked it up yesterday. Well, let me tell you there was definitely sticker shock! My generic version of Adderall 20mg only cost approx $35 for an entire month. Adderall XR has no generic form so it cost about $215!!! Holy moly Rocky! I'll see how things go when I take it to decide if it's financially worth staying on it.

We've recently switched insurance providers. Of course, there's always an upside & downside to change. The upside is that we don't have to pay the full amount at the time of purchase. We'd then turn in our copy of our payment to the insurance company, who in turn would reimburse us at 90%. With the new insurer, there's a $25 copay. I wonder if that's for every prescription across the board. I don't recall that specific number anywhere in the paperwork.

So, instead of paying $3 in the end with our old insurance with the regular Adderall, now I'll be paying $25 if I go back on it.

Now for the XR, I haven't taken it. I was going to take it today, but then forgot it at home when I left for my son's basketball game. I didn't want to take it late into the day because I thought if I took it too late I might not sleep well tonight. Can you tell I'm a bit apprehensive?

I wonder if I'll respond differently even tho it's basically the same medication. I guess I'll wait until Tuesday to try it out for the first time. Why wait until then? Well, it's already 2pm. I'll take 1/2 of my Adderall that I still have left to get me through work tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday and I never take my Adderall on my days of. So, that line of thinking will take me through Monday. Tuesday is a day shift at work and I'll try it then earlier in the day than now.

I pray to God it does as it says and gets me through the early evening hours. I may take it closer to 10-11am. I've also been considering taking it on Monday just to see how my body reacts and just deal with it at home. Seriously, I don't want to act out of character at work if it really clears up my thinking!

I'll post as soon as I take it for the first time and let everyone know what it was like.

~Mimi

Memories: Few and Far Between with ADD

I realize that "experts" have said that to have ADD/ADHD you would show signs at a pretty young age. Well, what happens when you don't remember anything from, say age 7?

I have very few recollections before I was 12. My parents divorced when I was 6 and had a pretty rocky relationship the entire time. I guess it doesn't help when your dad is cheating on your mom.

I know they took me to counselors. I must've had issues! Ya think? I vaguely remember seeing one counselor and drifting off to la-la land. I remember seeing that same look/feeling come over my then 10-11yr old daughter when I took her to a counselor because she had a crappy attitude. Very little response to any direct questions and a pretty much zoned out look. Boy did that look seem familiar!

Do you know what it's like not to have memories and then the ones you do have aren't the greatest in the world? I remember being desperate for my parents to reconcile. I remember meeting my dad's girlfriend and her son (my soon-t0-be steps). I remember my mom being pregnant and having to go to the hospital. I think I remember standing outside the courtroom when my parents were getting their divorce.

I wonder if other people with Attention Deficit Disorder suffer from lack of memories. If so, when do they have "real" concrete memories? Personally, I'd love to have tons of memories from my childhood. Something to look back on and reflect. I have little to nothing. I wonder if my kids will be the same. At least my 15 yr old who has ADD, I wonder if she'll remember much of her childhood.

I already know she has a hard time remembering things. She's had some stability throughout her life. Much more than I ever had. So, she's got some things on her side I didn't.

What about you? What kind of memories do you have? How old are you with your most vivid at a young age? Is my memory loss exclusive to me?

~Mimi

The medicated life

When I first really had a clear understanding that I had Attention Deficit Disorder-Inattentive, I knew that it was usually treated with medication. Not an option I considered a good one. The thought of being addicted to something didn't sit well with me.

You here all the time about people being on long term meds and never being able to get off them. I didn't want to spend my adult years addicted to any kind of medication. Heck, I rarely took Tylenol or anything else. Not for any "reason" I just never needed it.

So, I made an appt with my Dr. to find out what she suggested. I was given a prescription of Adderall. My doc explained that I didn't need to take the entire pill and could break it in half. I decided I'd start with half a pill. Can't remember if it was 5mg or 10mg. I used only 1/2 a tablet for a couple of years. When I started working more hours or knew I was going to have a long night, I'd take the entire thing.

The first several times I took my 1/2 tab, I hated how I felt. I honestly felt like I was going 100 miles an hour! In a way, it felt like I was high. I decided that I'd take it for the rest of the week and if it didn't start to level out, I was going to stop taking it. Thankfully it only lasted those several days.

I'm getting to the point where 1/2 a tab isn't going to do much for me. That I don't like. I have a strong aversion to increasing my dosage. Back to the whole "dependency" thing. I have an appt this week to talk to my dr about starting the XR version.

I hate that by 4pm, I'm wiped out, crabby and have very little patience. I'm hoping that the XR will make me more of a pleasant person when my kids and I all make it home at the same time. I don't care for change and if this doesn't make a difference, then I'll go back to what I know.

What are your experiences with ADD meds? Have you had any negative reactions to taking it? How long have you been taking it? Do you ever not take it?

I don't take my meds when I have a day off. I know that my home would appreciate me taking it so that something would get done around here. Weekends I typically stay off of it. So, I'm definitely not an everyday users. I prefer that. It reminds me of 2 things:

1. I'm not addicted and I can not take it if I don't feel like it
2. That on the days I do take it, I notice the difference and know that it works for me

~Mimi

Why blog about Attention Deficit Disorder

I've been considering this idea for some time now. In fact, I came upstairs to create my blog last night and then the computer went nutty. If you are anything like me, when something pops into your head, it's usually at the wrong time.

I'll be on my way to work, going to sleep, on the phone, or who knows what else when I get inspired. Oh, my favorite place that I have nothing to write with but have brilliant ideas...the shower! In those other places I could at least write something down, if I thought of it at the time. In the shower I can only write on the fogged windows. So many great thoughts lost to steam.

I really don't know where I'm going to go with this blog. I think I'll just start talking about my everyday life of living with this disorder. Yes, my life, this isn't something that just showed up overnight or is "adult-onset". I know for a fact that I've wrestled with this insanity since I was around 12.

Of course, way back then this was only a blip on the medical radar. I don't remember anyone being treated for ADHD until my little brother started being treated for it. He was placed on Ritalin. Since I didn't live with him for his growing up years (I was already living on my own) I don't know what it was like for him growing up.

It wasn't until 4 yrs ago that I decided something had to change and was also in the process of having my 2nd child, my daughter, tested for ADD. Not surprising, she was in 7th grade when the ADD monster raised it's ugly head. When I saw what her symptoms were, I realized she was me all over again. I went to my doctor and she prescribed Adderall. I can't begin to tell you how different my life was.

In my next post I'll discuss my medication aversion, the decision to take medication, and what it was like to be on Adderall!